A few weeks ago, I was speaking with a leader who had recently been promoted. Smart, likeable, full of energy. The kind of person everyone enjoyed having around. But now, things felt different.

He confessed that his team wasn’t quite warming up to him. “I don’t get it,” he said, sounding genuinely puzzled. “I’m still the same person. I grab lunch with the same folks, joke around like before, keep things casual. I’m just being myself.”

That last line came with a mix of pride and frustration – as if authenticity alone should guarantee respect. But it wasn’t landing that way. His old friends loved the familiarity. The rest of the team felt excluded. To them, the new boss still acted like part of the gang.

It’s a trap I’ve seen many new leaders fall into. They try to stay “real” and end up staying stuck – still acting like peers when the room now needs them to act like leaders. Because once you’re in charge, “being yourself” isn’t just about you anymore. It shapes how others feel around you.

That’s when I realised how tricky this advice really is. We’ve all heard it a hundred times – “just be yourself.” Shared far and wide, it sounds empowering, liberating, maybe even noble. But in the high-stakes reality of leadership, it’s often a trap.

Being your unfiltered self may feel good and boost your self-esteem, but it doesn’t make you effective at work. This is the insight at the core of Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead), a new book by organisational psychologist Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic:

“Feeling authentic does not equate to being perceived as talented or competent by others. Despite the subjective benefits of authenticity, being true to ourselves does not translate into being better colleagues or leaders.”

As Chamorro-Premuzic notes, the higher you climb, the more your behaviours ripple through the team. Power amplifies personality – the good, the bad and the ugly.

What feels honest to you can land as volatile, offensive or even downright incompetent to others. This is why leaders who unleash their “true self”, in all its unedited glory, don’t usually inspire confidence – they create chaos.

So, this week let’s talk about why “being yourself” doesn’t always work, especially when you’re in charge – and what to do instead.

We’ve seen several modern leaders go down this route, with unfortunate teams being subjected to everything from opinionated monologues and abrasive jokes to raw emotional venting and therapy-style meetings.

Decades of research show that more than authenticity, what really works for leaders is being able to manage their reputation by adapting their behaviour to different situations. As Chamorro-Premuzic puts it:

“Knowing where the right to be you ends and your obligation to others begins…that makes you effective in work settings.”

When being yourself backfires

Here are four ways in which authenticity can actively get in the way of leaders doing their jobs:

1. Too much truth blurs the picture.

People look to leaders for steadiness and clarity – not catharsis. Oversharing your private life or emotions can undermine your credibility. A little vulnerability makes you relatable; too much makes you risky and unreliable.

2. Your values aren’t universal.

Taking a stand on every single issue out there feels virtuous – until it fractures your team. Driving personal moral crusades can alienate colleagues who don’t hold the same beliefs, especially in diverse global organisations.

3. Emotional intelligence beats raw honesty.

With authenticity as the north star, leaders give free rein to thoughts that would be better left unsaid. From tactless put-downs to credit hogging, these uncensored comments drive a reputation for being thoughtless and insensitive.

4. Power magnifies flaws.

Authority doesn’t erase toxic traits – it magnifies them. It’s easy to excuse your worst impulses by saying “but that’s the real me”. Without boundaries and self-checks, traits like aggression and arrogance can spin out of control.

The irony of workplace authenticity

We tend to see authenticity as something fixed in your personality – you either have it, or you don’t. But research tells a different story. At the workplace, at least, it’s more helpful to think of authenticity as an impression. It’s not what you are, it’s how other people experience you.

When people call a leader “authentic”, they’re usually responding to a certain harmony – words that match actions, actions that match values. We read consistency as honesty. Social intelligence as trustworthiness. Empathy as proof there’s a real human behind the title.

Ironically, the impression of authenticity doesn’t come from “being yourself” – it takes self-work and self-control. The leaders perceived as most genuine aren’t the ones saying whatever pops into their heads. They’re the ones regulating their emotions, curbing negative impulses and shaping their tone to fit the moment. Whereas leaders who are radically authentic are often perceived as self-indulgent, reckless and a pain to work with.

How to not be yourself – while still keeping it real

Instead of just being yourself, why not try to be the best possible version of yourself? Here are six suggestions to help leaders bring discipline to their authenticity. Remember the goal isn’t deception – it’s refinement and professionalism.

1. Edit, don’t hide.

You don’t have to conceal who you are. You just need to edit it. Share parts of yourself that bolster your mission. A meeting isn’t the place to vent about your personal struggles – but you can certainly share an anecdote that clarifies your message and brings a human touch.

2. Cool first, react second.

Feeling lost, angry or alarmed? Take a pause to calm your emotions before reacting in public. Your behaviour sets the tone for your team: panic and run scared, or take a breath and forge on? Composed leaders reflect strength and competency.

3. Live by shared values.

Instead of “performing” values on social media, leaders are better off proving their commitment to shared principles like fairness and respect, which resonate across the board. Remember, show beats tell – and consistency builds trust more than slogans ever will.

4. Rediscover silence.

Not every headline needs our hot take. “Speaking your truth” isn’t always the best move. This isn’t fakery, it’s maturity. Learning to be quiet is one of the best things we can do as leaders to stop getting in our own way.

5. Protect privacy.

Modelling healthy boundaries gives your team permission to have their own. Don’t make it obligatory to share personal matters for professional consumption. It’s fine to reveal some details – but not to the point of turning meetings into group therapy sessions.

6. Pick useful over real.

As leaders, our job isn’t to showcase our personality – it’s to help our teams do their work and advance the organisation’s goals. So, be the self that’s most effective – not most authentic. Listen more, talk less. Ask more, tell less. Create clarity, not confusion.

The job isn’t “being yourself”

“Just be yourself” is lazy advice, especially for leaders. It asks nothing of us – no reflection, no discipline, no growth. Good leadership isn’t about letting it all out or being led blindly by our moods, biases and impulses. It’s about knowing when and how to show up. The leaders worth following are those who manage their emotions and reactions. They practice a professional persona, sharing enough to be relatable – and restraining enough to be reliable.

So don’t just be yourself. Be the version of yourself that steadies the ship, supports people in doing their best work, and moves your mission forward.