A young manager I mentor recently confided in me: “We’re supposed to have monthly 1:1s. But half the time they get cancelled, and when they do happen, it’s just ten minutes of small talk and project updates my manager already has from Slack. No feedback, no coaching, no real conversation. Honestly, it leaves me wondering why we even bother having them.”

That frustration isn’t rare. For decades, 1:1s have been the holy grail of people management – the go-to for alignment, performance and culture-building. But lately, the once-unquestioned ritual has come under scrutiny. Employees and leaders, particularly in fast-paced environments, are starting to say what was once unthinkable: are we wasting our time?

The tension seems to come from the gap between the sacred ideal of 1:1s and their reality. On the one hand, the research is clear. When done well, 1:1s drive engagement, retention and trust. But the fact is these meetings often turn into half-hearted status updates or check-in-the-box exercises, drained of all energy, impact and meaning.

So this week, let’s explore a provocative question: Have 1:1s outlived their usefulness – or are we just doing them wrong?

Let’s start with the heresy. In a world where time is one of the scarcest resources, some managers are pulling back from 1:1s. You may have heard common complaints like “They’re a time sink”, “I can get 80% of this done through Slack” and “It’s not management – it’s micromanagement”.

These aren’t fringe opinions any longer – and the chorus is growing. Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky has publicly dismissed recurring 1:1s for their tendency to become unfocused or devolve into personal grievances. He’d rather stick to calls or messages for quick updates, only opting for private chats when a sensitive topic needs to be addressed. Kalu Nduka of Oxford Business College goes further, warning that poorly executed 1:1s can foster dependency and undermine employee autonomy.

Plus, there’s the emotional burnout. In her Harvard Business Review piece, leadership coach Jen Dary calls out what many won’t admit: 1:1s can be emotionally exhausting. This is especially true when meetings are dominated by familiar complaints or recurring issues, week after week.

Warning signs

Here are five clues that your 1:1s may have turned into calendar clutter – or worse, something to be dreaded and endured by your direct reports.

1. “So…what’s up?”.

No agenda means no intention. When managers walk in with zero planning, the meeting veers into aimless small talk, redundant updates or venting. This isn’t rapport, it’s drift – and leaves both people feeling deflated.

2. Microscope mode.

If you’re spending 90% of your time on what got done instead of why it matters, you’ve missed the point. 1:1s aren’t status interrogations. They’re meant to be strategic, offering a chance to dig into insights and illuminate the path ahead.

3. Cancel culture.

Frequent rescheduling or ghosting sends a message to team members: “This meeting is optional, and so is your growth.” This can undermine psychological safety and trust more deeply than any performance review.

4. Feedback desert.

No coaching? No progress. If you’re not discussing actionable feedback, you’re squandering the most valuable use of this time. Recurring 1:1s that fail to fuel long-term improvement are just coffee chats with a corporate label.

5. Déjà vu.

Every 1:1 feels like a reboot of the last one – new meeting invite, same old conversation. This means either goals aren’t being tracked or you’re avoiding harder topics. When there’s no momentum from one session to the next, the meeting becomes a rut instead of a

The stakes are high, with ineffective 1:1s having multiple impacts:

• Employees feel dismissed, devalued – or worse, ignored.
• Managers waste precious time without moving the needle.
• Organizations struggle with inefficiency and disengagement.

Meanwhile, the workplace continues to evolve. Slack notifications, dashboards and even AI-powered tools are increasingly giving managers plenty of real-time info, making the traditional 1:1 feel somewhat irrelevant. Still, cancelling all 1:1 meetings risks dissolving the human connection at the core of leadership.

Eliminate or reinvent?

Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Along with exposing the flaws of 1:1s, research also underscores their incredible power – when done right. Managers who invest in structured 1:1s create higher engagement, lower turnover and more aligned teams. Those who consistently cancel or deprioritise these meetings often have teams that underperform and churn faster.

Why? Because 1:1s remain essential for sharing context, shaping careers, and discussing topics that aren’t covered in team meetings and digital channels. The results, however, depend entirely on how you run these meetings.

Make your 1:1s count

If your 1:1s feel stale or unproductive, the answer isn’t to ditch them – it’s to reimagine them. Here are eight ways to do just that:

1. Design for variability.

Not every 1:1 needs to be 30 minutes on a Tuesday morning. Match cadence and content to the individual. A new hire might need weekly syncs and coaching, while a seasoned performer might benefit more from a deeper dive once a month. Others may benefit from project-linked check-ins.

The key is intentionality over uniformity. In the article mentioned above, Dary suggests dedicating one meeting a month to career development. At the executive level, consider shifting to quarterly 1:1s focused on growth, not operational updates or firefighting.

2. Make time for prep.

Most 1:1s are plagued by a lack of purpose and preparedness. In one study, 36% of employees rated managers as only “somewhat prepared” and 40% said managers were “not prepared at all”. Spend 10-20 minutes reviewing recent status updates and notes from the previous meeting. Show up with clarity, curiosity and at least a basic agenda.

3. Share the airtime.

1:1’s are most effective when the employee participates actively, ideally speaking 50-90% of the time. Yet, these meetings are generally dominated by the manager! Flip the dynamic and allow your team member’s priorities and challenges to drive the conversation. Invite them to co-create the agenda, signalling that you’re there for them – not the other way around. Listen deeply and take notes.

4. Ask better, not broader.

A common complaint is that there isn’t enough to talk about. As a manager, your role is to keep the discussion going with good questions. Swap broad, vague prompts like “How’s it going” or “How can I help you?” with:

• Specific, time-bound questions like: “What’s one thing that went well this week?” or “What’s an interesting challenge you’ve come across this month?”
• Reflective questions like: “When have you felt bored in the past quarter?” or “What are you learning about yourself through this project?”
• Brave questions like: “What would stretch you in a meaningful way next year?” or “What’s one thing I can improve about my management style?”
• Human questions like: “Have you been anywhere exciting recently?” or “What’s a superpower you’d love to have?”

5. Break out of the loop.

If you’re rehashing the same topic week after week, something’s wrong. Maybe you’re avoiding the real conversation. Maybe you’re missing actionable feedback. Maybe the issue belongs elsewhere – in a project meeting, a cross-functional discussion or even HR. Identify why you keep circling back to the problem, then decide on a way to move forward.

6. Protect the slot – and its integrity.

Nothing erodes trust faster than constantly cancelling 1:1s. It signals that your team member is less important than whatever else just came up. That said, if the meeting really isn’t serving either of you, don’t limp along with half attention and full resentment. Take a step back and fix it. Sometimes, the best thing a manager can say is: “This isn’t working – how can we reinvent this time together?”

7. Draw emotional boundaries.

Be empathetic and caring – but don’t play therapist. Learn to discuss your team members’ emotions without getting overly involved in their personal issues. Set aside a few minutes for them to share their feelings or vent. Then redirect to what’s within their control. How can you support them in doing their job more effectively?

8. Re-engineer at the top.

Excessive 1:1s for senior executives can drive fragmentation, functional silos and toxic rivalries. Instead, senior leaders can opt for small, cross-functional ‘capability meetings’ for strategic issues, as suggested by Ron Carucci in his Harvard Business Review paper. These 1:2 or 1:3 dialogues can align decision-makers and dramatically cut duplication, delays and misunderstandings. Reserve traditional 1:1s for career development.

In a workplace where time and attention are in short supply, every meeting – especially recurring 1:1s – must earn its place. The question you really need to ask is: “Am I making this time worthwhile?” If you can’t answer with conviction, it’s time to rethink, reframe and refocus. Prep better. Ask smarter. Push deeper. Let technology pick up the slack on updates, while you invest your time in more meaningful ways.

Remember, 1:1s don’t have to happen weekly to matter – but they do have to matter whenever they happen.